every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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