Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
