I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize