somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
