dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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