i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
