Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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