Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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