I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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