Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
