Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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