i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
