My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
