Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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