I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize