i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
