So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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