I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
