His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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