is your mom at the bar?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
