You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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