listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
