We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
