it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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