so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
