I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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