Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
