I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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