I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
