I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
