Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
