i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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