Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
