Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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