We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
