I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
