okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fuck appropriateness.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
