On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
