I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is classic penis vs brain.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
