so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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