i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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