holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
