im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize