Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
