I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
