all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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