the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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