I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need moral support for this bender
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
