he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
