Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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