That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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