he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
