dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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