Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
