I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
