you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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