remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
