I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
