i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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