my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
