I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
