the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
