hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
