What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
