Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
