Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
