I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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